Tears of an Angel

Povestea unui suflet

De ce e cerul albastru si ziua nu sunt stele?
De ce cand nu esti langa mine, sunt reci lacrimile mele?
Ma-ntreb... de ce inca te iubesc,
De ce ma gandesc la tine cand m-ai facut sa te urasc?
De ce cand ma uit la luna parca o vad cum plange?
De ce stelele cad, de ce inima mi se frange?
De ce nu ma pot uita la soare cand rasare?
De ce vreau sa alerg cand nu mai am picioare?

Vad plopi clatinandu-se din cauza vantului,
Frunze care cad in voia destinului,
Oameni care plang si-si blesteama soarta,
Vad fluturii stropiti cand incepe ploaia;
O multime de flori care cad pe camp,
O multime de lacrimi in care ma scufund,
Cateva vorbe dulci ce mi-au ramas ca amintire,
Cateva sperante... m-au facut sa cred in tine.
Doar un singur gand ce zboara peste mari
Cu doua aripi rupte se intalta spre cer;
O singura inima, un singur suflet ranit
Intr-o lupta cu viata si cu tot ce am iubit.

De ce exista seceta si distruge tot in cale?
Cu ce trebuie sa ud samburele fericii tale?
De ce nu ma regasesc printre locurile frumoase,
Cum se gasesc ghioceii doar in luna lui marte?
De ce nu mai am nimic si toate au disparut in zare?
De ce cand inchid ochii, ma cuprind rafale...
Rafale de vanturi si picaturi de ploaie?
De ce ma uit pa cer si curcubeul nu apare?
De ce nu mai am rabdare sa fiu ca inainte?
De ce m-ai abandonat si m-ai lasat singur pe lume?
De ce primavara copacii infloresc?
De ce nici macar atunci nu pot sa zambesc?
De ce furnicile n-au gura sa se vaite
Cand in picioare de oameni ele sunt calcate?
De ce pestii traiesc in adancurile oceanelor?
De ce oamenii se feresc de rautatea oamenilor?
De ce au fost razboaie si au pierit suflete
Cand astazi nu se inteleg nici frate cu fratele?
De ce la tara oamenii inca sunt simpli si modesti
Cand la oras ti-e frica din casa ta sa iesi?
De ce cad avioane si se scufunda vapoare?
De ce s-au racit si sentimentele tale?

Vreau doar sa te am si sa ma bucur ca traiesc.
Printre-atatea nenorociri vreau doar sa te iubesc.
Acum inchid ochii si vreau sa pasesc in viata,
Dar simt cum o mana de mine se agata.
Simt ca nu ma lasa sa am dreptu' la fericire;
Ma-ntreb daca toate-acestea inseamna ceva pentru tïne...

22 March

   "Trust your heart if the seas catch fire. Live by love though the stars walk backwards"
                                                                                                      -E.E. Cummings

25 - Two -

                            Wearing a mask in society is not always the right thing to do, but however for some is needed, some people reveals them self by simple giving all their trust, others instead are hiding it because they do know it, showing reality hurts. But i will keep on showing my reality because i am the only getting hurt - By M. Filip


P.S: - End -

~Dubstep sesion started~

Unfitting music for the previous posts in my blog =)) i know that but you sure gonna enjoy it :P

Party starts.

"Suflet slab" - Complet...

Plâng, nu ştiu de ce probabil iar am fost rănit
Iubirea ce o caut oare să nu fie în această lume?
Am tot încercat dar iubirea nu am găsit
Probabil că există undeva ascunsă .. oare unde în lume?

De atâtea ori m-am înşelat
Crezând că iubirea am găsit
Dar nu era nimic decât un crud fals
Care inima mi-a frânt

Dar mă jur că de-o găsesc
Cu inima deschisă am să o primesc
Şi niciodată n-am să renunţ
Iubirea să îi o arăt chiar de viaţa am să-nfrunt.
................................................................................................

Am gasit- asa am vrut sa cred,
Dar soarta opusul imi dovedi,
Am luptat pana la capat oferindu-mi sufletul fraged,
M-am aruncat inainte fara a ma gandi,

Iarasi sufar, plang de dor,
Inima slaba, suflet slab,
Umbra a dragostei.. ce gand amagitor.


- M. Filip

Time.

Time will constantly try to catch up with you... and with a roar, it will overcome you.

Do not look ahead. Hope only lies within the unforeseeable, current that will close in from behind. Now i get it. Why is everyone so afraid of seeing future. But i am not.. i am different.. and, i always wondered why future is the only one giving me hope maybe that's how its supposed to be ? But knowing future there will be no surprise so people surprisingly are getting scared or maybe even bored because they know how that life will be maybe even is not how they wanted to be, but then i ask myself why do we have dreams for ? Why are those even included in our life if we aren't supposed to follow those dreams huh ? And why when we share those dreams with others they get scared and leave us ? I never truly understand this. As for me, knowing someone close to me dream would just help me fulfill it, nothing else. Now catching up with my own words "Hope only lies within the unforeseeable" Do i even think of those words as mine ? Or maybe as someone words.. but the weird thing is that is not true for me but for others is true because you can't "Hope" for what you can't see maybe some yes they do and that's why i came up with it "surprises" are giving a special beat to your heart, a beat of excitement that makes you happy for unknown reasons to yourself its called "Adrenaline" that moment when your brain can't understand what's going on for real and he starts pumping this adrenaline thing into your system, making you feel something completely new, but is not "something new" at all, because you felt it before haven't you ? But except that from a different person. From a different stuff, from a game, from a good meal that you never tasted, from  a fun thing you never did and even from something dangerous that happened. Why ? Is that simple, brain comprehends anything he can't understand as danger. But once he gets to completely "Know" that not understanding thing, he no longer does that. And this is when the excitement goes off. You start to get bored. Maybe even annoyed. The game you used to play because it was fun is now over ? Yes it is.. because it no longer surprises you. THERE is completely NOTHING that could make you feel fun. That's why people tends to go from other people to other people, they're looking for that "excitement" feeling without even knowing and because of that? What they do. Well... they start thinking of the person's they left behind as "things" and not as "souls" which is a huge difference a "thing" cant be broken if you leave it behind because it has simply no soul.. you can throw it you can smash it but it does not feel anything. But what about a soul ? What your Soul would do if someone leaves you behind? It would cry? Yes. It would hurt all day? Yes. It would ask himself forever why he deserve that kind of stuff? Yes. It would want you  back even tough you hurt him that bad? Yes.. and why ? Because the only thing that would repair that damage is the same person who did it.. mom used to say.. now she doesn't anymore because she stop caring .."When you do some damage to something or someone  the only person who can fix it is you and nobody else." those are words of truth.. yes maybe some other person that will start to care about you might bring you a bit of happiness maybe even try to heal your soul but truly now.. nobody except the person you felt love from and now you feel anger, pain and hate even, can truly repair the damage.. the scar is there the pain is there. everything is there even the love that you felt  and well the heart is in hunger for that love so it can heal herself and not feel the other emotions. i am a person with strong feelings.. for everything, when i feel love i feel it, when i feel pain i feel it, when i feel hate i feel it, when i am upset my whole body is showing it and the same with the other feelings. I don't know how many other people in this world are the same because nobody truly showed me what they feel, i always showed, for the simple reason i can't control not showing those but however i could keep on writing here all day long because i simply can't control my toughs, that's me, that's Chrono The Sinner- but one last words: things you should never break ? .. well first of all hearts.. then promises also dreams and well fate others had in you.. because it fucking hurts like hell. I never got bored of a person.. because for the simple fact i can't. You aren't supposed to need the person only when she's/he's fun you're supposed to need that person for the simple fact. She needs you. And when she stops doing it ? You gonna start needing her. Why ? Because you miss the time when she truly needed you and you wonder now. Why. And what truly time means ? Nothing. It's a thing that deceives you to think you "don't" have time to do things for you, make time, don't let time Make You. Comment if you read all. And if you agree especially :)

Why do i always take the hard road? Because there's no other.

The first time I read these two lines, my mind stopped full in track, in new recollection of something I've always known unconsciously, and usually in full awareness (though not always fully enacted, I admit).  People don't necessarily see things as I do; I didn't stop to cogently consider that maybe, just maybe, they had no option revealed to them but what they had enacted in life.

These words are so true yet i am silly i do take the hard road because i don't work hard enough to see the easy road :) But what if there for me is no easy road at all ? That's how i see the stuff at least .. however taking this road will always hurt me .. i wonder what will happen in the very end how i will end up.. who i will end up with.. why i will end up with that person.. and not how i wanted is just because i did it the hard way ? I don't know.. maybe, but i don't know other way. However no one will ever see the things like i do because I will never see the things in their way. And why ? Because i am Unique, like every other person in this world should be.

12 Decembrie - 6 Martie

Probabil.. cele mai frumoase momente din viata mea.. ma intreb cateodata daca si pentru tine a fost la fel.. dar nu am sa aflu niciodata asta ... :-<

Asa sa terminat o poveste frumoasa de dragoste  care a durat doar 85 de zile.. eu visam sa dureze o eternitate :) probabil sa imi petrec toata viata alaturi de tine.. si speram sa ai acelasi vis.. probabil lai avut la un moment dat.. dar sa pierdut in intuneric, in griji si in teama oricum..cuvintele nu te mai intorc inapoi, dar macar pot scrie ce simt pe pagina asta goala si singuratica de blog, la fel ca mine de astfel, inima mea inca sufera si o sa o faca mereu.. findca din pacate pentru mine inca te iubeste si vrea sa iti simta inima langa ea golul care il simte langa probabil e locul unde a odata a fost inima ta, a trecut deja 11 zile si ma gandesc in continuu la tine.. ma intreb oare tu la cine te gandesti ? Iti e dor de mine ? Iti mai amintesti de mine ? Iti mai amintesti ca vream sa te fac fericita si atata tot, dar.. vream sa te vad fericita.. langa mine..findca altfel nu puteam simti fericire.. de asta am fost egoist.. si nu am vrut sa renunt in ruptul capului.. senzatia ca vreau sa mor nu se duce indiferent ce fac.. lipseste parca o bucata mare din sufletul meu care ma intreb daca mai exista.. iar, ochi mei au inceput sa isi schimbe incet incet culoare intr-un caprui frumos si ma intreb oare cate lacrimi mai trebuie sa vars pana ce inima mea o sa inceteze sa bata atat de puternic de parca ar vrea sa imi sparga pieptul sa iasa si sa se duca sa te vada, sunt o persoana ciudata, o persoana ciudata care si-ar fi dat viata pentru tine doar daca iai fi cerut-o, o persoana ciudata care te iubeste atat de mult dar.. care e singura. De ce ? Am sa ma intreb toata viata asta.. dar probabil e mult prea tarziu.. nici macar prietenie nu mai simti fata de mine si nici macar asta nu iti pot cere simt parca ca imi e scris sa mor singur, inima mea din cand in cand incepe sa spere iar atunci devine putin fericita, dar dupa cateva momente speranta moare si incepe iar sa doara adanc ca si cum un cutit e infipt adanc in pieptul meu si e rasucit incet de o mana invisibila care vrea sa imi ia viata fara un motiv anume, astept ziua in care .. o sa pot fi fericit din nou.. nu stiu cand o sa vina.. daca o sa vina.. dar nu pot face altceva decat sa o astept.. si probabil ziua aceea nu o sa vina niciodata  dar.. e singurul lucru care imi da un anumit motiv sa traiesc in momentele astea, si chiar sper ca ultima mea speranta sa nu se duca si totusi.. stiu clar ca persoana care ma poate face cu adevarat fericit. Nu are sa mai vina inapoi vreodata. Inima mea sta acolo unde ii e locul. Unde a iubit, unde a simtit iubire, si unde ..nu mai e nevoie de mine.

Remember ?

Remember when I texted you the first time?
Remember the first time you texted me?
Remember the first time you smiled to me?
Remember the first time we talked?
Remember when you said you like me?
Remember the first time we went for a walk?
Remember our first hug?
Remember how you make me laugh?
Remember how you kissed me for the first time?
Remember when i first said i love you?
Remember when you first said you love me?
Remember how i made you happy?
Remember when you first said you will stay forever?
Remember when i first said i will stay forever?
Remember when i said you're beautiful?
Remember when you said i am yours?
Remember when...?

For the one

e ciudat.. stiu ca probabil nu ai sa citesti niciodata asta dar... imi pare rau. Imi pare rau ca nu am fost puternic atunci cand a fost nevoie iar neputinta mea ne-a adus pe amandoi aici.. sti .. prima data cand am ajuns sa avem discutia asta chiar iti parea rau ca o faci si chiar vreai sa nu.. dar eu nu am fost puternic indeajuns sa te las sa o faci si sa iti dau spatiul necesar.. "baka" scrie pe fruntea mea :D am tot incercat sa dau vina pe alte persoane dar nu e asa e vina mea in total :D nici macar vina ta nu e :D mereu o sa imi fie dor de tine, esti minunata orice ai spune sper doar sa nu fi suparata pe mine intotdeauna fiindca chiar imi e dor sa vorbesc cu tine asa cum o faceam inainte :D poate nu ca inainte dar scrisul tau ma face fericit xD e ciudat mereu visez ca vorbesc cu tine ba la telefon ba prin sms-uri, si mereu stiu ca esti tu findca e sigur ca esti tu :D:D sti.. acum ma simt bine, chiar ma simt ok findca  stiu sigur ca nu mai ranit, inima mea e intreaga acolo unde trebuie sa fie :P niciodata nu te poti rani singur orice iti faci xD iar eu sunt ala care a sa ranit singur de asta durerea a trecut si a ramas doar ce mi-ai oferit inainte :D poti spune ca sunt idiot poti spune orice, se accepta, niciodata nu am sa uit nimic fiindca a fost prea frumos ca sa vreau sa uit iar tu o sa ai intotdeauna locul tau in inima mea orice ai spune si chiar daca nu o sa ai nevoie de el. El ramane acolo la pastrare, findca doar persoana careia ii apartine poate sa il ia :D

                Be happy, live healthy, love the ones who loves you, don't hate the ones who hates you, try to do as much good and no bad things, be who you are be the happy person you were when i meet you.

                                                                                              Yours, and always yours,
                                                                                                                   Filip-